Why anxious neurodivergent children need environments that fit them

When I recommend environmental adaptations as part of supporting a neurodivergent child's anxiety or emotional dysregulation, I sometimes see that look. The one that says 'Really? That's your solution?'

I get it. It can be hard to understand why changing the environment matters so much when the 'problem' seems to be within the child - the meltdowns, the sensory sensitivities, the resistance to demands.

So let me tell you a story…

Anyone who's met me knows I have very curly hair - thick, coily, with a mind of its own. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, the hair world wasn't built for hair like mine. Products were for straight or permed hair. Hairdressers cut it wet and looked shocked when it sprang up shorter when dry. They'd touch it constantly while blow-drying, creating what can only be described as a giant puff ball that surprised even them.

Everyone had opinions: "Have you tried letting it dry naturally?" "Why don't you just brush it out?"

I had tried everything - brushing, cutting it short, industrial-strength gel, attempting to straighten it. All disasters. I began to hate my hair. Why couldn't it just behave like everyone else's? Why did it have to be so difficult and unpredictable?

Every salon visit left me feeling inadequate, different, flawed. Even the 'experts' couldn't help me.

Then I found a curly hair specialist.

Finally, someone who understood! Better yet - they celebrated my hair, called it beautiful. They took time to understand what it needed, tried different approaches. Sometimes we had to start over completely, but I was never made to feel like the problem.

My difference was acknowledged and nurtured. Now I can see the beauty in my curls and actually enjoy them most days. I've found my tribe - a whole curly hair community where I'm not weird or difficult.

It's just a story about hair, but it’s a good analogy for what it's like being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world. "None of this was designed for me!" When we understand ALL neurotypes and adapt environments accordingly, everyone gets to feel good about themselves instead of a minority feeling broken for not fitting the 'norm.'

That's why environmental adaptations aren't just nice-to-have. They're essential.